A Yami, his Hikari and a dog named Elvis
by Fliceru01
Summary: Okay this a BakuraRyou fluff. Duke makes a brief appearance. Lets see, what could a demonic Yami do with a dog? Trouble is sure to ensue.... Please R
1. Chapter 1 Pass the sugar

DISCLAIMER - I DO NOT OWN ANYONE IN THIS FIC APART FROM ELVIS THE DOG! Chapter 1 – Pass the sugar 

Bakura's hand slowly reached over the table for the sugar bowl that lay in wait; filled to the top with its tantalizing white particles. His finger brushed over the ceramic side but before he could clasp the rest of his hand around it, another snatched it away and put it on the top of the shelf.

" On no you don't Bakura!"

Ryou scowled at his Yami and sat back down to eat his cereal, which was loaded with sugar. Bakura slumped down in his seat and jabbed at his toast with a spoon then poured the contents of his coffee mug over it until it was nothing more than a soggy mess on his plate. Ryou tutted and shook his head.

" Stop being so stupid. You are not having any sugar; the last time I let you anywhere near that stuff you and Marik tore the house to shreds and challenged the vacuum cleaner to an arm wrestle!"

Bakura folded his arms indignantly over his chest and replied.

" We hadn't had any sugar!"

" 86 packets of Smarties each counts as sugar, Bakura!"

Bakura slouched down further and muttered something like "whatever" then something seemed to click back into place in his mind. He stood up and kicked his chair across the cluttered kitchen. He spoke to Ryou.

" Hey why are you being all smart all of a sudden? I'm the Yami here! You're supposed to be the naïve little Hikari that does what the strong and dominant Yami says! I don't have to put up with this shit!"

He turned to leave in a spectacular fashion but Ryou just ate a spoonful of his cereal and replied noncommittally.

" Okay. But before you storm off to sulk in your room can I have my apron back?"

Bakura looked at the ceiling and spoke innocently.

" What apron?"

Ryou ate another spoonful of cereal and began to read the newspaper.

" You know, that pink fluffy one that you have been wearing all week?"

Bakura's blood boiled and Ryou chuckled as his Yami's face turned from its normal pale tint to pink then to red then to a deep shade of purple. Ryou turned back to his newspaper and counted silently in his head. 1, 2… 3. Not more than a millisecond after he had said three, there was a knock at the front door. Bakura's face returned to normal immediately and he smiled wickedly as Ryou walked past to open the door. Ryou unlocked the safety hatch and opened the top latch with a key he kept on a chain underneath his shirt; he couldn't risk Bakura escaping and reeking havoc on a sugar-induced high, could he? He pulled the door open and sighed as Duke stood with a thick leather leash wound tightly round his hand. On the other end of the leash sat what could have been called a dog if it didn't posses twice the amount of fat of a normal dog and didn't look more dopey than a hyped up Bakura. Duke spoke between gasps as the 'dog' strained on its leash.

" Hey Ryou. Sure you don't mind watching Elvis? It's just that I can't trust him not to destroy the house while I'm out with Joey and Tristen. It'll only be for a couple of hours."

" Yeah, it'll be fine. If I can handle Bakura then I can handle… um… Elvis."

Duke smiled and went to hand the leash to Ryou but Elvis gave an almighty leap for a passing cat and Duke went flying backwards off the porch and into a row of highly prickly bushes. After a series of yelps and over-excited barks from Elvis, Ryou stepped out of the house and pulled his friend out of the bush. Duke smiled weakly and tugged Elvis up to him. The dog lolled on the floor and drooled all over Duke's trousers. Duke nudged him off, shoved the leash into Ryou's hands and then legged it back down the garden path then down the street until he was out of sight. Ryou groaned as Elvis looked stupidly up at him and yowled sleepily.

" Okay, time to go back into the house Elvis. Come on boy."

Ryou walked back towards the house but as soon as the leash pulled taught, it was as if a ten tonne weight were attached to the other end not an idiotic dog. Ryou looked back and saw Elvis lying sprawled out on the porch, with no intention of moving. Ryou tugged on the leash but the dog stayed where he was and yawned. Ryou sighed and was about to give up when he heard Bakura yell from the doorway.

" Elvis! Come here boy! Who's a good dog?"

Elvis leapt to his feet and charged past Ryou and collided with Bakura. The pair bowled over and fell back into the living room. Ryou felt his stomach knot as he heard glass shatter, material tear and Bakura laugh manically. The tired out Hikari humphed defeatedly and went back into the house to try and salvage what was left of his house after hurricane Bakura had hit.


	2. Chapter 2 Hurricane Bakura

**Chapter 2 – Hurricane Bakura**

Ryou's jaw dropped. It looked as though he had just walked into a CNN news broadcast. Hurricane Bakura truly had hit. Ryou picked his way through the wreckage and entered the kitchen to find Elvis lying on the table top, (Ryou's mind did not stray as to question how such a lump of fat could climb on top of it), and Bakura retrieving a case of Jack Daniels (1) from the back of the highest cupboard. Ryou stepped forward gingerly and examined the smashed china cups, plates and dishes that littered the lino floor. Ryou cringed as Elvis munched on the soggy remains of Bakura's toast and belched loudly. Bakura popped the cap on his second bottle of Jack Daniels and took a huge swig. He jumped down from the countertop and swayed perilously in front of his Hikari (It was well known that Bakura was one of the biggest lightweights in the entire world).

" Hey Ryou! Give me some love baby!"

He leant forward with his lips puckered but Ryou dodged sideways and let Bakura fall into Elvis who had lumbered off the table and was now proceeding to chew on the bottom of Ryou's jeans. Bakura laughed hysterically and rolled over onto the shard-strewn floor. Elvis belched again and fell flat on Bakura's chest. The Yami wheezed and desperately tried to shove the fat fur-boulder off his stomach. The dog got up and galloped off into the living room to, Ryou guessed, lie on the demolished sofa. Bakura grabbed Ryou's waist and pulled himself up off the floor. He shouted in Ryou's ear before stumbling off after the dog with his half-drunk bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand.

" I love you, you know! A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot! Ha!"

Ryou just stared at the wake of Bakura's mass destruction. He went to start cleaning up the rubble but something stopped him before he touched the first piece of shattered porcelain. He walked towards the living room and stuck his head around the doorframe. Elvis was lying on the sofa and Bakura was forcing the last of his Jack Daniels down the dog's throat. The mutt hiccupped and Bakura threw the empty bottle at the already smashed TV then seemed to go cross-eyed as he looked at something he carried in his other hand. Ryou sighed as he saw the crumpled packet of Smarties his Yami held. The phone began to ring. Ryou went over and picked up the receiver.

" Hello… Oh hi Duke…Yep…Everything's um fine… uh huh. Okay…See you then…Call again later to remind me… Bye"

He put the receiver back down and smiled sneakily. He walked over to the coffee table, dodged a projectile glass bottle and a handful of Smarties and picked up the notepad and pen that should have been by the phone. He bit down on the end of the pen and concentrated for a second. Eventually he smiled again and scribbled something down. He put the pad and pen back down and dropped a pile of Smarties on top of it. He smiled to himself again then disappeared into the depths of the house.

(1) Jack Daniels is a very strong whisky. The drink of rock stars everywhere.


	3. Chapter 3 The Strong Dominant Yami

**Chapter 3 – The Strong and Dominant Yami…Well sort of…**

Bakura lined his skateboard up for the death-defying feat that lay before him

(Jumping over an unconscious and probably alcohol-caused comatose Elvis)

He knelt down beside it and straightened it up. Then he stood up and blew a kiss to the empty room. He put one foot on it and was about to push off when the phone rang. His foot slid along the skateboard and he flew across the room and landed crotch first on the stair rail. He wheezed and rolled off then down the last two stairs. He looked around for Ryou who usually answered the phone but found that his Hikari was nowhere in sight. He pulled himself up slowly and hobbled over to the phone stand. His head throbbed.

Maybe two crates full of Jack Daniels at 10 o'clock in the morning wasn't a good thing…

He reached the phone stand by the front door, put his hands on his hips and looked pensively at it. It was black and was attached to the wall on a light wood box. Ryou had brought it over from England when they had decided to move into this house in the States. Bakura jumped as it rang again. It didn't help that he had never used one of these stupid things in his entire life. He picked up the handset and placed it to his ear the way he had seen Ryou do. He sucked on his lip and spoke as the alcohol regressed back through his system.

" Hewwo…"

Duke's voice came back through the phone.

" Hey Ryou is that you?"

" No it's Bakuwa. What do you want dice boy?"

" I was just calling to remind Ryou that I'm coming back for Elvis at 4 and you had better not have fed him anything stupid you demonic spore!"

Bakura gulped and didn't answer. Duke spoke.

" I'll take your stunned silence as confirmation of that. I'm coming straight over!"

Duke hung up and the dialling tone rang in Bakura's ear. He let the handset drop and just stood there looking at the unconscious load of fat that lay in the middle of his trashed living room. He laughed then reality flew into him like a speeding jumbo jet. He whimpered and fell to his knees. He called out pathetically.

" Ryou!"

There was no answer.

" Ryou!"

Still no answer. Bakura got up and, all feebleness gone, shouted up the stairs.

" RYOU! RYOU YOU SMELLY SON OF A BALARGIAN WART GNORF! GET DOWN HERE!"

But still there was no answer. He walked back into the living room and kicked Elvis in the ribs. The dog grunted and came out of his coma but snored and fell asleep. Bakura walked over to the coffee table and sat on the floor next to it. Something caught his beady little eye. It was a pile of uneaten Smarties. He brushed them aside and found the small notepad Ryou used underneath. He flipped to the front page and found a note written in Ryou's handwriting.

_Dear Bakura,_

_I remembered what you said at breakfast. You wanted to be the " Strong and Dominant Yami" Well here's your chance you pathetic little snot! You're on your own now, lovely!_

_Love Ryou!_

_P.S. HA HA HA HA HA! Deal with that, PISSHEAD!_

Bakura dropped the notepad and slammed his head on the coffee table. He looked up at sorted through the rubble until he found a small digital clock that Ryou had also brought over from England. It said 3:45. If Duke was to make it there for 4 then Bakura had to resurrect Elvis from the alcohol induced slumber and put the house back together; all in 15 minutes. Bakura glanced around sneakily then took the notepad over to the phone. He picked up the handset and put it to his ear he flicked through the notepad until he found the page Ryou used to write down phone numbers. He scanned down it until he found what he wanted.

MARIK 01346 65958 (BAKURA IF YOU ARE READING THIS THEN DON'T EVEN THINK OF CALLING IT! MARIK IS NOT COMING OVER!)

Bakura ignored his Hikari's warning and looked from the numbers on the pad to the numbers on the wind up dial on the old-fashioned phone. He scrunched up his eyes and seemed to swirl in some random numbers. When it began to ring he smiled proudly to himself and waited for an answer. Almost immediately, one came.

" Hallo. Ernie's Pizza Emporium here. What can I get you, sir or madam?"

Bakura replied.

" Don't want no god damn pizza! Put Marik on!"

The man on the opposite end of the phone spoke.

" There isn't anyone here called Marik. And I assure you that no pizza here has been damned by any god!"

" But I typed Ryou's number in here! Where's Marik?"

" I 'ready told ya! There's no one called Marik here!"

Bakura slammed the receiver down and looked again at the written phone number. He held it up to the light and then ripped the page out to look at it on its own. He could see something coming through from the other side. He scratched at the surface of the paper and found another piece of writing underneath it. This was again in Ryou's handwriting and read.

_Think again buddy-boy! HA HA HA HA HA HA!_

Bakura growled and threw the notepad at Elvis. The dog lumbered up, the alcohol obviously still present, and chewed on it a little bit then spat it back out again. Bakura went over to pick up the pad and saw some text materializing on the blank end of the paper. Bakura dropped to his knees and crawled over to the soggy paper. He picked it up and wiped the dog slobber off it and peered at it drearily as his hangover kicked in miraculously fast. It read:

Genuine Marik number (FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY!) 07732190652 

Bakura chuckled, ran back over to the phone and put in the numbers. It rang and a familiar voice answers.

" Answer if you're ugly."

" Marik, its Bakura. Are you doing free to come over?"

Bakura heard a series of crashes and a startled cry that sounded like Ishizu saying " MARIK NO! OUR AUNT NEFATIRI IS IN THAT VASE!". Bakura chuckled as Marik spoke slyly down the phone.

" Sure. I'm not doing anything anymore. I'll come right over."

Bakura put the receiver back on its perch and went to make a start to reviving Elvis when there was a manic knock on the door. He went over and unlatched all of the locks until he got to the top one. No matter how much he tugged and no matter how hard the person on the other side of the door knocked; the lock would not budge. Then he looked shiftily around and pulled something out from under his shirt. He gripped the Millennium Ring tightly and visualized the lock coming open and the door swinging open. All of a sudden the door exploded off its hinges and fell forwards at the visitor's feet. Bakura looked through the dust and saw Marik clutching the Millennium Rod in the same way, looking startled but failing to cover the frenzied look that possessed him whenever he used his Millennium item. Ishizu usually kept it locked away (For good reason) and Bakura shuddered to think what the crazed being had done to get it back.


	4. Chapter 4 Final Chapter

Chapter 4 – A Yami, his Hikari and a dog named Elvis 

Marik stepped over the doorstep and took in the ruined house. He breathed deeply and spoke.

" Ahhhh. I love the smell of destruction in the morning! Well technically it's the afternoon but aww well; on to business. What is it that you couldn't do without the valuable help of Marik Ishtar?"

All Bakura's good intentions of cleaning the house and recuperating Elvis vanished as Marik's hyperactivity oozed into him; they were replaced by thoughts of the unopened crate of whisky in the back cupboard and the locked draw of Smarties in the kitchen that lay in wait.

Ryou sat up on his bed and turned down the Blink 182 CD that he had playing in the background. He listened hard. He could have sworn he'd heard Marik's voice downstairs. If that maniac had truly come over then Ryou thought it was about time that he broke his cover and went to sort them out as best he could. He got off his bed and opened the bedroom door to get a better idea of what was going on downstairs. He heard an explosion and the smashing of glass echo up the stairs. He charged out of his room and hurtled down the stairs and into the living room. He peered through the dust and sparks and saw a glimpse of the Millennium Rod then a flash that could only have come from the Millennium Ring then when the dust cleared he saw Marik and Bakura wrestling on the floor and Elvis stumbling in and whimpering pathetically as the magic shot through the air. Ryou ducked as a shot went for him then walked slowly towards the wrestling pair. A cry of horror went up and Ryou looked over to the front door where Duke stood with his mouth agape with Joey and Tristen gawping behind him. Bakura and Marik broke apart and stood up and laughed shiftily. The mood was ruined when Marik turned to Bakura and shot him from a blast from his Millennium Rod. All that was left was a screaming baby with a heavy metal ring around his neck. Ryou walked over and picked up baby Bakura. He held him close but then tried to prise him off as the baby began to chew on his hair. Marik chuckled and moved out of the way as Elvis came and sat on Ryou's foot. Ryou winced then yowled as baby Bakura bit a little too close to his head, began pulling his hair, then started to thump him round the head with his little fists. Ryou spoke angrily.

" What did you turn him into a baby for?"

Marik smirked then replied.

" He called me a psycho-maniac with a serious sugar and alcohol dependency!"

He stuck his tongue out at baby Bakura then vanished in a puff of Shadow Realm smoke. Ryou winced as baby Bakura gave an almighty screech as the Hikari attempted to remove the Millennium Ring. Elvis ambled over and dropped his full weight on Ryou's foot. The Yami bit his lip and smiled weakly at Duke who still couldn't find words. Finally he stuttered out a response to the sight before him.

" RYOU! WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS?"

Joey laughed and butted in.

" I'd say it was a Yami, his Hikari and a dog named Elvis."

Duke growled and leapt on Joey and Tristen desperately tried to pull him off as Ryou struggled with baby Bakura, Elvis looked around happily and the words to "Reckless Abandon" (1) faded down from Ryou's room.

(1) This is the Blink 182 song Ryou was listening to.


End file.
